babblebeth: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 03:01am on 05/06/2009 under , , , ,
I took Charlie to Simon's work today,  That was a bit of an ordeal as Sheila needed to take me to the park and ride so I could get to the city center without having to take an hour long bus ride.  I then had to walk to his work through Exeter which was hot and sticky but we got there with him being very good.  Simon met me and took me around and quite quickly Charlie decided to poo.  In the classic Children's timing.  I mean it's good that he pooed because he hadn't for two days so we were getting slightly worried.

In fact he pooed twice there, and needed to be fed, but he was a good baby and hardly cried while we showed him around.  We caught the park and ride back and then went out to eat.  He was awake the entire time we were out but didn't cry.  Even when I changed his very poo-filled nappy at the restaurant.  He was as good as gold, though it helps that we recognize the little signs now for hungry or dirty, or tired.

But that leads into another issue with me.  When he's awake I feel like a bad mom if I don't talk to him constantly while he's awake.  But I can't talk to him constantly if I have to pee, or if I have to eat, doing washing up, or frankly if I'm just really really tired.  I try to talk to him and engage him as much as possible but every moment he's awake and I'm not...I feel like I'm hindering his development or something and that I'm a horrible mom.

I know that's probably stupid but I still feel that way.

Being a mom is guilt inducing.
Mood:: 'tired' tired
babblebeth: (freaking out)
So today was the first day that I had Charlie on my own. 

It was hard, Simon and I hadn't gotten organized enough and he didn't get enough sleep, we didn't have the morning figured out and I was freaking out and trying to figure out where everything was and failing and Charlie was screaming and Simon realized he had forgotten to do any ironing for work...it was insane.

After Simon went it calmed slightly.  I got Charlie fed and he slept (sort of) and I made a Doctors appointment for my back and arranged with my Mother-in-law to be picked up and taken to my appointment which was at 2:30, boiled up bottles, changed nappies, fed Charlie again, got peed on, changed Charlie again, fed Charlie again, ate some food, drank some water, drank some chocolate milk that was in the fridge, boiled up bottles again, changed Charlie, packed up the baby bag, changed charlie, fed charlie, got picked up by Sheila, got to the Doctors juggling everything, of course he started crying.

Got the paperwork to register him at the Doctors, made my post natal appointment and his 8 week immunization appointment and managed to breastfeed him subtly.  The first time for that.

I was meant to catch the bus back, I got into my appointment about 2:50.  The next bus was 3:40, the bus after that was at 5pm.  I had a prescription that I had to get filled so I got out of my appointment and he slept all the way to Boots (a big pharmacy over here) and was as good as gold until I got in line to drop off my prescription.  It was at that point that he decided to scream the place down.  I got the prescription and happily there was a baby room at the shop so I could go feed him in private!

So I went, fed him, chatted with another desperate mother with a hungry baby (her husband had wandered off with the baby bag and she had to desperately buy a disposable bottle because it was the only thing that was sterile), annnnddd by that time I'd missed my bus.

So I bought some formula from Boots (and some pacifiers) and went to Costa Coffee to call Sheila because I'd missed my bus.  I had a piece of lemon cake and called Sheila and got picked up and got home. 

Now the reason I got the pacifiers.  Before I had Charlie I didn't really like pacifers.  I thought they looked stupid, and really really didn't like them on older kids, and didn't like the way that SOME mothers use them as a replacement for parenting.  However, then I had Charlie.  Charlie likes to eat, but when he's not eating or pooing, or hiccuping, or kicking for fun, he likes to suck...he gets cross when he can't find something to suck on.  He won't take food, but he will suck on your finger until it's all pruney and the knuckle aches, then he'll go to sleep.  In that case?  I want a freakin pacifier.  In fact the only reason I can write this damn article is because he fell asleep next to me while sucking on a pacifer.  A once hated thing is now a much loved object.

Also?  I just discovered I fit my clothing better then I used to.  I am a very happy Mom.  

But yes, I've now found out how difficult it will be to get everything done now because Charlie is a very awake, very interested in the world little boy.  This is a good thing, but means he's very demanding of your attention when you're trying to do things.  I had to keep putting him down when he was crying because I had to go deal with boiling water.

But he's a good baby mostly, he just has crap timing.

As I said though, he's a good baby...plus it was wonderful out today because people kept stopping to say how gorgeous he is, which he is.  Not that I'm bias or anything.


ETA: I'm much less afraid of someone taking him now.  I even let Simon take Charlie with him when he went out to do quick shopping and drop something off at his parents house this evening.  Somehow surviving the first day with Charlie and taking him out on the town makes me feel like his mother.
Mood:: 'tired' tired
babblebeth: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 12:16pm on 25/05/2009 under , , , ,
I'm not entirely convinced that I get to keep Charlie. I keep thinking that his real mom is going to come and take him away from me. I'm scared to let him out of the house with other people and without me because I'm scared he won't come back to me.

It's completely illogical I know but I can't help it. I'm also scared that he's going to...well break. Okay by break I mean die but break is a less scary word.

Anyway, I'm a little bit convinced that if I'm awake and in the same building I can somehow prevent that from happening. Despite the fact that that is completely ridiculous.

Simon is, of course, excellent and wonderful and a completely trustworthy father to leave my child with.

He's going to attempt to walk to the shops in a bit with Charlie and without me.

Hopefully I will be okay with that, I feel like I could probably just about manage that because Simon is his father and some how might also be able to keep him from breaking and stop people from taking him away from us.

Yes this is insane...gah...big step for me though.

ETA: Experiment successful!  I did not lose it!

babblebeth: (me)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 07:55am on 25/05/2009 under , , , ,
My baby apparently got a little too excited about being at the park yesterday. I ended up sitting downstairs at 2am with Simon and are very awake baby.

This was doubly difficult because it was the first time I'd had a fibro flare since I gave birth. This was not a good situation. Simon and I were both exhausted (I'd been sleeping but hadn't slept well so was still tired) and I was in pain everywhere, and Charlie would not settle down to sleep.

He wasn't screaming or anything, he was just awake. I breastfed him, and then burped him, handed him to his dad for bottle feeding and he would. not. settle.

We discussed what to do (by that I mean, who got to get some sleep) and I finally said "Give him to me, I'll try to settle him one last time"

I held my son to my chest and sang him songs, after two he was quite sleepy against me with a blanket draped across his back. So I had Simon put on a CD we have of kids songs, Anne Murray's Hippo in the Bathtub (which was my favorite tape as a kid), and played the last two tracks which were lullaby tracks. I sang along with them as I knew every word and ended up with a very asleep baby who I was able to put down in his car seat and have him STAY ASLEEP!

I managed to get my baby to SLEEP. This way both Simon and I got some sleep. I went up to bed and Simon stayed downstairs with the baby but he managed to sleep on the couch and we both got 4 hours sleep. Now, we supposed to wake him up for feeding every 3 hours in the day and 4 at night. While yesterday afternoon/evening he was feeding almost continually so we didn't worry about that and because of that I'm letting him sleep up to 5 hours in this go. Maybe that's wrong but seriously, he was awake and feeding on and off (no more than an hour apart) from about 3:30pm to 3:45am. Again he wasn't screaming during that time unless we were changing him. He was just awake. Besides which he's slowly waking up on his own now. I can see him stretching and hear him grunting at the moment. He's not awake yet but it won't be long before he is. Might as well let him get up naturally.

But anyway...I got my baby to sleep! YAY!
babblebeth: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 08:10pm on 24/05/2009 under , , , , ,
Today Charlie went on his first picnic. We met up with the in-laws and the two little foster girls they had staying with them at Bovey Tracey and went to the play park to have our little picnic. He had been fed and changed right before we left so it came as a little surprise that he woke up once we got the to picnic area and decided he was hungry.

I gave him a bottle because it's quite hard to feed him in any way that's subtle because he tries to grab boob, and instead (because he's quite strong and my boobs are not that big) he ends up boxing them out of his mouth and then gets angry because it's not in his mouth.

Therefore in public? Bottle is much easier.

But it was nice, he settled down pretty well and I put him in the sling where he slept while I walked around and enjoyed watching the two very sweet girls playing. They were only about 2 and 3 and were just running around and so excited but very well behaved. They were quite interested in Charlie but in a relaxed way.

It was very hot out in the sun so I was a little worried about Charlie. I had him in the sling and despite Mervyn going "Sun is good for babies!" I kept him covered, but lightly. Because yes, sun is good for babies as I told him, but babies also burn easily and besides...it makes Charlie cranky. Because he's an awesome father in law he let it go.

He did enjoy a bit of sunshine but I liked to be a bit careful.

We were then invited back to the in-laws house to hang out and have tea, which we did, and it was really lovely too.

He fed, pretty continually through out the afternoon, a bit on me and a bit on the bottle...he also had to be changed a few times including poo diapers. This is worth mentioning only because right before we left the house to go the picnic I had to change my first poo diaper. Not, you understand, because I'd been avoiding them but because the timing on Charlie's part has been excellent. Nearly every poo diaper had happened when he went to change the diaper. When I go and change it (and really, sometimes you can't tell because he farts so much and so smelly) he's just been wet. Charlie also seems to wee more when Simon's changing him then me. It's strange...

But it was really nice and relaxing, it was also fun because the girls were pretty careful around him (and we were very watchful) but he had a good time just laying on their carpet and kicking and looking around at everything. It's the first time he's done that for a good long time. That's when I really enjoy being a parent, when he's a awake, but not demanding anything then for me to watch him, make funny faces at him and say things like "Mommy's got your feets!", or sing at him (which he usually likes despite the occasions of abject horror on his face).

He slept through tea with Simon holding him in the sling, and really was just a very good baby most of the time that we were there.

He did look very scared when about 8 girls from the neighboring houses came in to look at him. Of course everyone admired how cute he is, I wish I could take credit for that but really he takes after his dad. I really mean that too, Shelia found a picture of Simon when he was about 4 months old...and the really really look the same. It's very sweet and wonderful. I love how much like his dad Charlie looks, Simon was a very very cute boy. Still is cute in my opinion though of course in a different way.

We just came home, tired, sleepy baby, sleepy parents but really feeling good. We had a lovely day out with our infant.

That makes me very happy.
Music:: t.v.
Mood:: 'chipper' chipper
location: home

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