babblebeth: (freaking out)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 07:07pm on 11/06/2009 under , , ,
I almost yelled at my infant today.  I didn't actually, but I came close.  It started this afternoon when the laundry finished.  I was going to hang it up outside, so I got him ready to take out..he then woke up and started yelling and I opened the door to ominous cloud cover that hadn't been there earlier...after I got his pram all set up.  So I had to take that down, take the laundry upstairs and put up the drying rack and rush back to my screaming son.  I pick him up, get him calmer, answer the phone and was rude at a telemarketer and then went upstairs and TRIED to  hang up laundry.  Laundry kept falling off, he started screaming again, I tried to rush and more clothing fell off and I turned and said (emphatically) "Would you please shut up!  I'm doing my best!" and then I realized I was angry at an infant.

I was very ashamed.  I mean  he's only tiny, he has no other way to say he's wet, or tired, or hungry.  Ashamed of myself I picked him up, apologized to him took him down and made him up a bottle.  

I still felt pretty upset and was crying which was upsetting him so I called my mother in law while I fed him and kindly she calmed me down.

I still feel ashamed for getting angry with him but I didn't actually  yell and I didn't do anything except get flustered (probably at least partly because I was starvingly hungry.

I was much better after eating and after I took a nap with the baby.

But yeah, I lost it a bit today.

Mood:: 'tired' tired
babblebeth: (freaking out)
posted by [personal profile] babblebeth at 06:33pm on 05/06/2009 under , , , ,
I've got a bad bad case of baby burnout today.

I love my son I swear to all that is right with the world that I do with all my heart....but god damnit I need a cup of tea I don't have to drink while breastfeeding, I need a bath, I need some time to think, I need to spend time with someone who doesn't communicate only through crying and farting. I need to not feel like my baby is possessed by something evil, or that he hates me, or that he's trying to make me go insane.

I do feel like a bad mother for not wanting to be with my baby, but OMG it's been 4 weeks of constantly being on and I can't take it anymore.

But then I think it's only been 4 weeks!  What kind of mother am I?  Then I go to call people and get perspective and I realize how I don't know that many people which I find depressing.

GAH.

Simon is going to be nice and let me have pamper time this evening.

I bloody well need it.

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